Remembering Dad, 6 of 6

This is the sixth and final day of my writing one year ago.  I arrived that morning and just knew it was “the day.”  It was such an honor to be at my father’s side at the conclusion of his life.  My experience is my experience.  I don’t expect others to do it the same.  But I have hoped that revealing this to a broader audience will help others enter in more deeply with those they love during those mysterious last days and hours of life.

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8/31/10, noon

Dear Friends,

Archie left his earthly body, that had been wracked with so much recent pain, at 10:30am this morning. I’m continually grateful for all your prayers and care.

I arrived at the hospital this morning and I knew something was very different. His color was ashen and his breathing more labored. Believe it or not, he had actually had a pretty rosy color through most of this ordeal. But this morning was very different, and I told the nurse, “I think this is the day.”

Through tears, I sat by his side singing hymns softly to him. I had my laptop (and the hospital has good wifi) so I called up the words to many of my old favorites and sang them over him – every stanza! I know that two hymns will always seal this moment for me. My Hope is Built (a.k.a. Christ the Solid Rock) is one of them. The tune says,

When darkness seems to hide His face,

I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

Indeed Christ has been our firm foundation as the storms of difficulty and pain have raged. And this includes aiding him for four years of his life with Parkinson’s.

Also, I was very drawn to A Mighty Fortress. It says,

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;

Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:

Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;

Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,

And He must win the battle.

I love this idea. The battle is won by Jesus. He is the right man to conquer sin and death. He must win the victory and therefore be the deliverer.

It was not a major struggle for dad to leave. As I saw him breath his last, I was able to pray thanking God for the father and friend that he was to me. And I could so easily give him to my Heavenly Father asking for tender grace and mercy. It all just “flowed.”

I have decided to do something special in honor for my dad. It is reaching back into the past in our country for a ritual of what used to be done when grieving the loss of a loved one. I am convinced that we do not help one another grieve well. And partially it is because we don’t know or remember that someone has lost a loved one.

Therefore, I am going to wear a black armband in his honor and memory for one month. On the armband are four symbols. Each symbol is a reminder of what he meant to me. If you see me, ask to see the armband and the symbols. It will give me the chance to tell you a little more about my dad. I thank a close family friend for sewing this for me.

Many have asked how I am doing. I can say that e-mailing has been very healing for me. It has helped me tremendously to share my heart. So thank you for the gift of listening. And I send a blanket Thank You to everyone who has e-mailed me back. I read every single one of your e-mails and they were a balm for me.

I will be taking the rest of the day to just make some phone calls and let family and friends know. Tomorrow, I will likely move all his belongings from his adult family home. They have been so good to him, and I’m thankful that they provided such a loving place for him in his final years.

Of course, my next few days will also include pouring over more memories and probably writing some in my journal.

Let me leave you with this one Scripture. I have purposefully left it till the end. It is from Paul in I Corinthians 15.

Death has been swallowed up in victory.

“Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Remembering a good earthly father,

Brian

Dad’s ashes were spread under the Golden Gate Bridge